>>17 bro, i have tried 'no religion' to no avail as it is not possible to avoid regardless of whatever framework as all suffering in the world can be seen as the echos of calculated torture. men who think they are more than 'mere worms' use the systems cynical misanthropics design to devour it, all this sadism just to achieve a liminal ecstasy staving off ever pressing thoughts reminding them of their own mortality. orthodoxy, secularism, modernism, denpaism, even anime are religions; their liturgies not from manuscripts and idols not of paint, but from software and of silicon. computers have enveloped men's souls more than any other technology in known history, perhaps not unlike the idol of idols the golden calf. all but one tribe of israel wrongfully worshiped it after receiving the ten commandments, leading in God to bar these eleven from ever entering the holy of holies in jerusalem. at least with orthodoxy i can't avoid personally knowing the people who puppeteer and perhaps even craft the timeless idols and services, there is no screen to hide behind. locking myself in a monastery seems the best shot i have to learn to chill and to love God, in hopes to loose myself of the sins which bind me to hades. i would abandon everything and go tomorrow yet it seems providence, or self-destructiveness, has prevented this for an agonizing three years and counting: my family has mistook this calling as clinical insanity from the start. well, i took your advice knowing you meant well, but lost seed works against me always. spiraling into self-deception even after a cold rainwater laced bath, i proceeded to lash out against someone who helped me the most which perhaps pushed him away forever. only if any of them knew it is out of hopelessness that acted as a wicked pharaoh, hoping God would work through someone with a gaze of loving understanding thereby cleansing me of inner turmoil; my heart is so callous that God has damned me to gnash my teeth indefinitely as a last ditch effort to soften it. most of those that were willing to help me transition to monastic life now deem me incorrigible, if only i chilled out earlier...
bro, i have tried 'no religion' to no avail as it is not possible to avoid regardless of whatever framework as all suffering in the world can be seen as the echos of calculated torture.
men who think they are more than 'mere worms' use the systems cynical misanthropics design to devour it, all this sadism just to achieve a liminal ecstasy staving off ever pressing thoughts reminding them of their own mortality.
orthodoxy, secularism, modernism, denpaism, even anime are religions; their liturgies not from manuscripts and idols not of paint, but from software and of silicon.
computers have enveloped men's souls more than any other technology in known history, perhaps not unlike the idol of idols the golden calf.
all but one tribe of israel wrongfully worshiped it after receiving the ten commandments, leading in God to bar these eleven from ever entering the holy of holies in jerusalem.
at least with orthodoxy i can't avoid personally knowing the people who puppeteer and perhaps even craft the timeless idols and services, there is no screen to hide behind.
locking myself in a monastery seems the best shot i have to learn to chill and to love God, in hopes to loose myself of the sins which bind me to hades.
i would abandon everything and go tomorrow yet it seems providence, or self-destructiveness, has prevented this for an agonizing three years and counting: my family has mistook this calling as clinical insanity from the start.
well, i took your advice knowing you meant well, but lost seed works against me always. spiraling into self-deception even after a cold rainwater laced bath, i proceeded to lash out against someone who helped me the most which perhaps pushed him away forever.
only if any of them knew it is out of hopelessness that acted as a wicked pharaoh, hoping God would work through someone with a gaze of loving understanding thereby cleansing me of inner turmoil; my heart is so callous that God has damned me to gnash my teeth indefinitely as a last ditch effort to soften it.
most of those that were willing to help me transition to monastic life now deem me incorrigible, if only i chilled out earlier...