to those that need it most i feel like ive come to an understanding that there is just so much neuance to the way that people treat eachother that this is what trully brings depth to a conversation not the facts or your comprehension but also the impactfull lenguage that you can bend and express with your vocal cords some things that you may not be able to understand from a basic understanding of the word but of trully having been around the person that you talk to for a long time and having a massive database in your concience of the way this word comes out depending on their emotional tone its like some kind of dialup information spread that happens over time and that honestly the hardest thing about meeting people is having to remember the intricacies of their voice and the weight which certain words hold in them because of an experience where someone used it or said it to them its almost as if talking is akin to a dart board and the words you use can either stick right in the middle or completely miss sometimes completetly failing to pin the emotion that you want to convey ultimately feeling completely missunderstood or even having an offensive honestly stupid reaction because they simply havent spent enough time with you to understand you words are like invisible neurons that shape and form depending of who we live or interact with the most one word can be said on a microphone and some will have a religous experience while another will run in fear its just too complex of a feeling that no common ground can be found with just a couple of months of a relationship forming once some time passes i belive that this space can be amazing but i honestly think it should be limited to something like dunbars scale have somewhat of a queue that you have to wait to be admitted into the site anyone that isnt invested will leave within minutes of not having access and those who are in will not wanna loose track of the conversation surely this will stop normies from entering and those who manage too will be met with a lenguage that has developed only with the minds of a couple hundred trully making it isolated and incomprehencible to anyone who comes in and only interesting to those willing to stay and understand it

i take your point and your meaning propigate them in neuronclusters mixing subconsously and hyperconsiously various reactshuns that i dont fully have any control over and it is sad but expected that not everyone we accosiate with will put in the work to build a you inside their head it raises the questshun shuld we bother doing so for others its clear that the general populus dusnt bother doing so rather they tend to buld a self which is more or less easily interactable in general society but then they tend to stuggle deeply in close interpersonal interactions they never bother to ask how the other person might take something worse they cant even bother to ask themselvs how they might take something followers of this space tend to forget one of the key elements of the space was creating something that would infact disuage consumption a filtering effect i agree with your praxis completely however im not sure how keen i am to the proposed solution i do find it is nice having an easily asseccabe publk space for interchange of ideas expeshily one where anomity is more or less the defaut prehps the bumper queue isnt a bad method but i feel like it wouldnt fltr all those who dont get it this protocol is afectiv as it takes work to over cum but i cant help but admit even forming such a reply is probably more effort than i would prefer to take then there is theoldlatinandgreekroutewhichithinkshouldbeclearbythispointinthisexample

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procolfailshouldhavesaged

>>3 imagine seeing someone spill their soul into a text and being so self absorbed that you feel the need to make it about yourself
Language and the way you speak is extremely complex, i agree that most people don’t really care to use language like that, and irl i have found that whenever i try to explain how i feel about such “trivial” topics people around me rarely actually pay attention to that. but i truly agree, one thing i would add is that from personal experience the amount you are interested in someone cannot be fully explained with quantitative methods, how much you are interested in someone and therefore how impactful their actions are, verbal and nonverbal, is based on how much you feel a certain way about them. i know people who i don’t find interesting/i don’t find that attractive/have no orthological reason to actually care about that influence me to an extreme extent. each day i get closer to god, quantitively speaking the idea that there is a force that makes you “love” someone that has nothing to do with anything about them is crazy

Do you have autism? It doesn't fully explain your problem but it is possible that it's playing a role here. I would recommend attempting to find where the specific communication deficits are coming from and being more open to different ways of framing things in the world.

imagine not having autism and being here
iforonewelcomethetotalfractializationofhumanlanguageandculturethatwaspredictedbyletothesecondbywayofthescatteringthefactthatweliveinatimewhereweweabletoseethecracksinthefoundationofmonolithformissomewhatablessingbutitdoesbuildanticipationoffullcollapseinmanythisanticipationturnstoanxietyorfearbutlikeisaidiwelcomeitperhapsonlybecauseitseemsenivitableandtofearitisasfearingthetideorthecomingdaylighttheresjustnopointtoitwhybotherwithtryingtojivewithorplucktheheartstringsofpeoplewhohavenotenoughofapassinginterestineventryingtolisteneveryonehasbiasesitisfullypossibletoknowonesownbiasesincommunicationandnotbeabletocommunicatewellbecauseeveryonereactsdifferentlytodifferentwordsdifferentintonationsdifferentbodylanguagetheverythingireadasgenuineandupliftinganotherwouldfinddisengenousandinsultingthisisnothyperbolethereisnouniversallyacceptablewayofconveyingthereisonlythevariousstandardformsandbecausetheyarestandardformstheyreadasartificalandforcedtomanymaybeabetterwordisposturingbutiusedthatwordtheotherdaywithaclosefriendofmanyyearsandtheyhadnoideawhatitmeant

i honestly dont know to what extent i am autistic or just straight up insane when i am outside i feel this power that i must control and force onto others intentionally but without speaking its feeling that allows you to lord over people unaware of it and makes them bend to your own desire simply to apease you yesterday i went to the fair and the whole time there was stares and a certain feeling of peoples concience pushing against eachother more than anything pushing against my own and the need to flex your capabilities and understaning of others to articulate where most could not as to show them that i was not bound by their silly principles and need for reputation i would move in an awkward manner but make it into a statement that i am not afraid to fuck up like you limp dicks simple things like carrying around a cup of alchohol instead of a cup of juice made them understand that you were above them and to not mess with you cause theres resources available to you that arent to others specially all those damn annoying teens and another thing that i found eerie was how homogenous all were same haircuts same clothes same makeup same shoes a perfect disguise to be unrecognizable from the rest and do as you wish without adult influence and what i found was just how trully vulnerable and afraid to be found the all were if i sat in the middle of an intersection and simply stared off in their direction eventually no one would pass through there and the crowd would bunch up by the corners all their scared faces with fear of my intention but really i was just looking for my little sister who my mom told me to find then i understood just how many people can be controlled with a just a look and a lack of information hundreds of shitty little petty teenagers without the ability to communicate with eachother but with the mental vulnerability of mass hysteria are nothing but sheep but unfortunately being so different also makes potential partners and lovers avoid you from the fear of being outcast which is silly to me cause if you are so damn afraid then why dress alternatively you bunch of no good posers anyways everytime i go out like that i come home with a really sad feeling that there was some really cool looking people there that i wish i couldve hooked up with if only i was drunk enough there was a really freaking cute soft looking nerdy boy with a brown wolfcut and a big zip up hoodie the color of autumn leaves and black rectangle framed glasses they looked so damn cute UGGGHH my eyes sunk to the back of my head knowing they would never even be friends with me i wanted to find a nice sharp stick to lay my jaw on and let it slide into my brain

I want to get beat until my eyes are swolen shut of course I wouldn’t know that since in inferior and i should only get beat till my abuser is satisfied I’m I tried punching my own face and stomach but I can’t do it hard enough that I’m satisfied I want the air forced out of my lungs and my big pretty nose to be broken.

I wanna self harm but my stupid body will reveal it

idk if this is helpful at all, but you should put all this energy you have to something creative, you’ll never stop feeling like that and that’s not bad. I have been trying to get over the fact that i cannot stand seeing people in public spaces live their own lives so far disconnected from mine, for a really long time and i am still trying. However it’s not really a fight for control it’s more so a fight to be special. ever since i was a kid i couldn’t bare the thought that everyone around me is an actual person, as i’ve grown older i’ve come to terms with the fact that most people around us are actual created characters and they don’t really exist until you interact with them

honestly this doesnt change that almost all of these "normies" are just derivate of one another and dont try to explore life in a more nuanced and different way that would likely bring pain but also excitement to their boring lives the part that i cant accept is how happy they can be in the boredom and (i forgot the word) but who gives a shit they are so damn bullshit i wanna watch their world burn around them so they are forced to feel a deeper feeling than just that of what is mundane and looping forever until i come along and ruin it like the sand castle that it is to my oceanic like will fuck this bullshit i hate it all i want it to burn theres nothing i want more i can stretch it contort it squeeze it chop it up and micro dose it i dont fucking care its always the same and just the fact that i served it to fit your god damn lenguage pathways wont change a thing it will always miss someone and it will always fucking make me want to harm myself because youre all trash and the only way someone will like what i say is if i conform to the bullshit or maybe the opposite i guess who fucking cares, i do.
more than anything i guess is i want someone else to hurt me so i can feel that someone doesnt feel understood either but that they can show it to me knowing that i will accept it no matter how brutal it is just to feel loved and mutually understood

fuck all this shit wish i could just dream all day instead of having to touch peoples brains with my tentacle like tounge

there should be a love board not for meeting but to simply talk about your idea of love and how it eats away at you everyday with the expectation that you arent just throwing lustful desires but the deep intense soft plain whatever sense of loneliness a place to explore the idea of love and how inexplicably tied denpas are to it even if we want to deny its existance becase we know its there for a fact its not something that shows up out of nowhere its something that shakes us around and reminds us that we exist and love will cause you immense pain if it means it can bring you back to your senses even if you end up hating it

i have spent the last 2 years of my life romanticizing a specific person, before this whole ordeal i just felt like most people sucked but i didn’t really have to interact with them so i could just exist in peace. After 2 years of light stalking i have propelled my self in various social interactions with varying levels of discomfort. I have “had” to talk to people who i was afraid that the person i used to like liked only to find that both were extremely uninteresting to the point that i believe that they shouldn’t exist. a pretty small percentage of social interactions caused by my brain damage have led to actual relationships still with varying levels of success and ONLY ONE person i’ve met throughout this story is actually cool. i used to be kinda apathetic towards society, but now i cannot go out without having bad thoughts, the worst thing is that the person i was interested in is just like the people i hate THE EXACT SAME i hate how my brain just forced me to feel like that, though it did open my eyes

Everyone I’ve wanted a intimate relationship with never seem interested to the point that now I wonder if I’m just ugly cause I mean I don’t look horrid but I guess my personality doesn’t really make up for it it just sucks when you realize someone you’ve felt kinda attached to doesn’t really want to be around you even just friends did that to me so I just cut off everyone since I mean they just have a better time without me but won’t admit to it always trying to comfort me knowing that this very interaction is why they don’t like me they all put their stupid hands on me and try to wrench any self value out of me without realizing it I just hurt without being able to do anything cause some of these people I have to keep a good face with to just have a roof over my head and not have to put my self in an even more stressful situation there hasn’t been a single person in my life who hasn’t realized how gullible I am and worst of all they end up taking advantage of it I wish I could just be how I am but they force me to be a worse person cause they feel the need to be shitty to be accepted we don’t all want to make each others lives harder than they already are